Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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