i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
