Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
