I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
don't judge my taste in strippers
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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