oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
