Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize