I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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