HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
