her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
