maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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