The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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