If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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