I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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