She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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