i just had sex bonerless
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
