I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
