what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
