i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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