apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
