grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
