Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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