my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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