I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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