she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
