It's like a parade of train wrecks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
