i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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