My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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