At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
