By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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