she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
