She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Shame - the story of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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