So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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