My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
