when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
