he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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