took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
