So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can I color on your dick again?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
