What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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