is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
