high people should be assigned attendants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
