I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
