there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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