and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
