You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
