bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Green mimosas i think yes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
