I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
