I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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