happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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