i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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