Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
