I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
