well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
