I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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