And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
