It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
