why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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