I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
