How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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