I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize