is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
