do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
