Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
