dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
