marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
