The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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