i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
