Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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