she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
