If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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