the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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