she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
