did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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