when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
