wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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