how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
