batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
