If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i have two assholes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
