we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
