i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
