So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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