so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize