What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
