Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
false alarm. still invincible.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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