I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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