Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize