Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
