he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
