so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
