Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
